Finding relationship advice is hard — scratch that, finding good relationship advice is hard.
I’ve received a lot of well-meaning, but extremely misguided relationship advice over the years and while some can be laughable, others can do a lot of damage that will achieve the opposite effect of what you’re going for.
Scroll below for five pieces of dating advice you should never follow!
1. “Just get out there already!”
Where? If anyone knows where “there” is, let me know please.
People will often blame your singleness on your lack of motivation to go out and hunt your pray like a starving wolf.
I was dragged to bars, clubs and cocktails parties successively and pressured to go speak with every guy around me – it didn’t work my friends. And it will never work.
This things must come natural and unplanned. Hardcore hunting with your gang at night only works in love comedies ladies and gents.
2. “Play hard to get, it will make them want you more!”
Playing hard to get is the oldest trick in the book so it must work, right? Well, it doesn’t. Unless you plan to date a high school kiddo.
It will not work if you are looking for a stable relationship because once you play “hard to get” you’re sending out a message that you don’t really care if they’re around or not, then later on when you reveal that you are in fact looking for the real thing, you’ll get a kick in the booty because you already established the play rules from the beginning. What goes around always comes around.
If you’re into someone and they’re into you, there is no need to play games.
3. “Bad first date = no second date.”
How does this even work? Aren’t you on a date because you are searching for your other half? Are you really going to give it only one chance?
I mean first impressions are very important, yes, but nerves, circumstances and expectations can all conspire to make the first date a world away from the romantic fairy tale you imagined.
Don’t let it put you off – good things take time to build. And sometimes, a clumsy first date could make the second much easier and give you both something to look back on and laugh.
4. “Search for the spark! When you meet “The One” you’ll know for sure.”
As much as we want to believe everything Disney taught us, romance isn’t always a fairy tale. If you are waiting for the butterflies to come out of your ears every time you meet your partner you are on the wrong side of the road mate.
You will feel it at the beginning – we all do. Actually research proved that both long-term and short-term relationships, in the early stages of dating, feel these sparkling levels of attachment, sexual desire and interest.
If you last beyond this initial exciting stage, then you’ve probably found a keeper. Yaay!
5. “Never text or call back right away – you show desperation!”
This one is my favorite!
First off, “never” and “always” should be stricken from the dating vocabulary. They are too harsh and drastic. Secondly, just be yourself. You don’t need to bother your mind with all these silly rules – they will only complicate your life.
Me, for instance, I am very active on social media, hence I almost always use my phone. If I get a text, I will read it and most probably reply. Right away.
Why intentionally plan an reply instead of now, 30 minutes later? What is the point?
People text you because they expect an answer from you. They don’t do it to test how fast you reply and the level of your “desperation”. Give yourself a break!
6. “You have to fight to make a relationship work.”
Really? How hard?
Lets be honest here. Relationships don’t come easy. Two personalities are always going to find conflict, but if it takes a load of struggle and effort to keep things going you should sound the alarm.
We all have ups and downs, and have to work together to get to those ups and learn how to manage those downs. But fighting is not the answer. And it’s definitely not a rule that establishes if the relationship will work or not.
Not fighting doesn’t mean the relationship is failing – au contraire, it means you found the key to happiness and you know how to master the art of arguing in a healthy way.
A piece of advice? Even during tense arguments, never forget that you’re a team: for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health… and until you decide to call a timeout and get a bite to eat. Which is always a great idea!
The most important takeaway here is that conventional relationship wisdom can hurt rather than help, so always be skeptical of anything you read — even this article!
And just be yourself, always! Isn’t it better to be rejected for being you than to be accepted for being a fraud? Be confident in who you are so that when the right person comes along, he/she can appreciate the real you.
What’s the worst dating advice you’ve ever heard? I know you’ve heard plenty..